Well let me see… as a lot of people will be reading this i guess the most honourable thing i should do is share something you guys can benefit from. Well, I used to be Ur standard Paki boy. Brought up with parental restrictions which naturally conflicted with my understanding in life which was to enjoy it while it lasted. That is the understanding that is prevalent in society. Anyway, the result of this conflict was the overly arrogant extrovert. U know the type, the so called ‘life of the party’, the one driving the (dad’s) beemer while others were learning how to drive. The ‘joker’ that undermines his mates to be no.1 in order to look good in front of the girls. I feel sick just thinking about it. I embraced that ‘jay sean’ lifestlye at an early stage, cos no way was i gona let my youth fade away without me enjoyin it… well, so i thought. I embraced that cos that was the only one i could fit into, and infact, at that time, the only one i wanted to fit into.

Who can blame me? Im Asian! I have to have some form of identity otherwise im just a face, and i couldn’t be having that. So when i embraced it, i embraced it to the max. But u know what? I never realised it back then in the midst of it all, but i was so depressed and miserable. But i was so blind to see it cos i was too busy running after that buzz, whether it being the cherps, the clubs, the chillage. It’s only untill recently that i realised that i was trying to to solve my misery and unhappiness with these means of escapism.

This whole lifestyle, the clubs, the cherps, the southall broadway on Eid, the cars, the arrogance… it defined me as an individual. It gave me my sense of worth, of living, of happiness. only to be disillusioned by the whole buzz of it all. All i had was fun, not happiness. and I’m sure u know the feeling for all those that can relate to what I’ve been through. That whole build up of the day for the night’s events. If something didn’t go Ur way during the day, it didnt matter, ‘cos Ur goin out tonight’. The whole preparation for when u hit the club. lol. it craks me up thinking about it… mate, Ur soo insecure! Girls; some advise, u know that guy whose got that pimpish persona… some news for u… he’s the most insecure… anyway back to the story… so u get there, standing in the que, checking the girls, being really loud so that girl u fancy acknowledges that Ur there etc. u get in and that tune comes on, the one that gets u going. u get into that buzz where all those problems go away and u are at Ur utmost happy. then all of a sudden the thought comes into Ur head… this night is gona end. and u feel so mashed. it ends, u go home, lying in Ur bed thinking about the jokes u had. next morning the club remains a memory, and u anticipate the next time u go out, next time u get that short buzz. u do the same thing again the next week, then the next, then all of a sudden the novelty wears off. now the only thing that gets u goin isnt the club u looked forward to at the end of the week, but the thought of goin to uni, where u can have the taste of freedom, away from parents, where u can literally cane the fun! Newsflash! trust that the novelty will wear out on that too. then what do u do. run after that girl? run after that don car? run after the degree? run after the investment banking job? ur holiday? ur family, ur future, ur aspirations, ur hopes… all for wat? That short burst of pleasure with a lifetime of anguish and misery from running after these things! for Ur desires are what bring u happiness, right? well, u did say that Ur supposed to enjoy this life cos its too short? but say u do all this… run after Ur desires and live for Ur aspirations”¦ what are u actually left with?… nothing! except memories of those pleasures, and the underlying thought that death is gettin closer and closer.

But it’s cool tho, u can take all of it to Ur grave, the cars, the money, the girls, the ‘buzz’… can u? nah i don’t think so. so u tell me, do u think i was happy? or was i simply masquerading myself as a happy-go-lucky type character that was mistaking ‘happiness’ with that short burst of pleasure u get when u live for Ur desires?… infact don’t ask me, ask urself…

How am i now though u ask? i’ve embraced islam. not the islam that u confine to the mosque, but the true islam that is here to remove those unnecessary problems and satisfies all my instincts. NOT the islam that might make u think that im rigid, or sad, or a loner n thinks it’s haraam to have fun!. but the the one that liberates Ur mind n Ur heart. Mate, if i would express tranquillity to u in a word i would use the word ISLAM.

What does the future hold for me tho? I’ll finish my Masters, get my job, marry my beautiful wife, drive my CLK, move to Dubai, chill to my death knowing all the time that i couldnt take these temporary pleasures to my grave… but then I’ll go to Jannah and experience pleasure incomprehendible to Man’s mind, where every second is better than the last (inshallah)… So u tell me, am I living life to the max now, or before? The real club is in Paradise….this life is about havin jokes waiting in the queue u should join me…

This entry was posted on Monday, September 5th, 2005 at 12:20 pm and is filed under Islam. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.