Looting and polluting the world was the game, while your people in Katrina brought you shame,
With the lowest voter approval in history, your father must be thinking that’s no mystery!

As a youngster you had multiple accounts of alcohol abuse,
its no wonder in your speeches you seem to have a few screws loose.

Having been the only president to emerge from a room alone with a bruise across the cheek,
Dee Dee Myers was wondering how you managed to convince it was just a pretzel to your clique.

 Your intelligence is comparable to the intelligence on Iraq, false, limited and full of conjectures.
Every time you fly into a foreign state, we don’t want to listen to anymore of your lectures.

Eight years in power did you learn nothing but greed, rejecting Kyoto, rejecting UN approval, rejecting the interests of the people apart from your own.

Heralded to the world that Iraq would greet you with cheers and flowers,
but all that we witnessed was you being hurled two shoes and abuses.

You said “I will leave the presidency with my head held high”,
but a small time Iraqi journalist nearly hit the bulls –eye.

The world approved of this historic gesture and let that be your farewell departure.

So what did I just do? I went to the local 24hr Tesco’s to do some late night shopping. Without boring you about my bachelor pad grocery list, let me skip right to the end of my trip – to the bit where I walk out of the supermarket looking at my receipt. And, What!! No Way!!! Wait, did I just spend half the bill only on toiletries???

And  this comes all the way to a few months back, when someone commented about me being a Muslim Metrosexual. I really didn’t know what it meant, so I was about to give the brother some good naseeha pounding. But the brother having telepathic abilities pre-empted me by saying “Nah, nah bro. I’m not calling you gay. Alhamdulillah you’re far from it. Just saying thats what they say for guys who like to look after themselves.”

Naturally, I did the Google job, and found this.

On the balance of it, I don’t believe I fit the definition of being metrosexual. I’m not self-obsessed about the way I look, I don’t suffer from sequential bouts of vanity crises, nor am I narcissistic. I make dua that Allah azza wa jal protects me from such flaws. Also, I’m not a fashionista, I hate Russell Brand (well, who doesn’t) and above all, I don’t own a full length mirror.

On the other hand. I do have some peculiar issues (not according to me though). I buy stuff from Jo Malone (top stuff, but I keep this secret from brothers). As well as Molton Brown and Lush creams. I go to stylists not barbers. I also go to men’s aftershave websites, to get them to send me free samples.

So who am I? Well I’m single. But no, I didn’t hang around Islam Expo wearing a tight fitting t-shirt trying to eye up the sisters (well, in fact I don’t even go to such places because of the segregation issues). I’m actually a pretty quiet and sombre person. I prefer to spend a lot of time alone just reading my books. And if you really knew me, you would probably call me an extremist (only because we live in times where Islam is strange).

I guess I’ll put it down to the crushing psyche of the western beauty myth that prevails around us. Mix in clever marketing material, and I’m a sucker. I live in London to make it worse. BUT, I still have a barrier up. I look to what I should do from the commands of our Lord. Personal hygiene and good grooming is also the sunnah of our beloved Prophet salAllahu ‘alayhim wa-salaam. I ask of the brothers who know me, not to make remarks about the contents of my bathroom cabinet, but to keep a close watch on my behaviour.

Narrated by Abu Dawud, on the authority of Abu Hurayrah:

“A man who was beautiful came to the Prophet (saws). He said: Apostle of Allah, I am a man who likes beauty, and I have been given some of it, as you see. And I do not like that anyone excels me (in respect of beauty). Perhaps he said: “even to the extent of thong of my sandal (shirak na’li)”, or he said: “to the extent of strap of my sandal (shis’i na’li)”. Is it pride? He replied: No, pride is disdaining what is true and despising people.”